I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
