oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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