ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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