bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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