If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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