Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
