wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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