Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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