I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
there is glitter all over my balls
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