He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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