i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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