ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
