so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
