Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
