I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
