If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
