You were right. It hurts to walk today.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
