she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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