I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
