Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
