I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
