I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just high enough for therapy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
