champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
