this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
