New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
