So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
