need another drink. this is the easiest way
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then he peed in my hair
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