forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
