Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
