you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
