it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
