420 ftw
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
