Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Plan B is the new Plan A
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
