I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
