if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
