My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
