I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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