In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
