Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
