i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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