did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
