He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
