So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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