There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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