dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Randomize
