her vagine was all disorganized.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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