Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
