Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
