I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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