my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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