you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
