My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
