I want to stick my p in your. b.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
