I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
