I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
