I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
