If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
